ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod

Oh. My. God.

I'm fucking thirteen. Again.

I have to admit, I haven't been feelin' the NKOTB vibe since I spent my life savings on concert tickets AND the VIP package - which by the way, I still don't know exactly what that gets me, but I'm hoping it involves naked bodies. ANYWAY. I was literally looking on EBAY to see how much I could get for my million $$$ tickets...when BFF in Utah (Yay! Mormons) sends me a link to a video.

BFF: OMG. Click this link. OMG

That's all it said. I should mention the last time I had those words from her in an email it was a link to a NSFW video of someone we both know doing the humpty hump for all the world to see. And can I just point out that has to just be morbid fascination...because hell yeah I watched it but not in the 'yeah, baby' kind of way. It was more of the *vomit* reach for the phone *vomit* yell at her for sending it, then watching it again. Together. While dissecting every move. How's that BUCKO!!

What were we talking about?

Right. NEW KIDS ON THE FREAKIN' BLOCK. The link was a video of NKOTB in Boston. AKA The Motherland for New Kid fans, such as I. And it was the Fab Five dancing around on stage and it was 1989 again. It was a beautiful moment in my life.

So, last time I brought them up I was in L-O-V-E with gay Jon. No longer, my friends. It was all a ruse to cover up with soul deep longings for my one and only true love - at least until Mark stops knocking that model girl up and comes to his senses. I;m talking about I'm-back-with-the-band-so-I-can-no-longer-be-married PRAISE JESUS Donnie.

God. God. God. I love him. See? I'm still thirteen. Here's some crazy footage of me (but not really me) dancing.



Imagine my surprise when I was asked to put on tight purple pants, take 8 shots of chilled Patron (because only severe drunkeness can produce such moves) and join the boys on stage. On a moving stage. On a piano. Oh, and do you mind wearing a wig? I was a little hesitant about the purple pants but the wig and Patron are staples in my life so really, it was no hardship. Then Donnie hops up on the piano and declares his undying love for me in front of our -er, I mean - his hometown. Now, I know it sounds like he's singing but that's just those other dudes dancing around not really knowing what was going on. And I know it looks like he's pointing to some other someone in the crowd, but that was just the Patron throwing off his sense of direction.

I got so excited I almost pee'd my pants. You can see that at about 1:23. I had to shake my head repeatedly to keep the pee in. Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it.

The crazy thing is, I don't even remember going to Boston. BFF in Utah was very disappointed that I didn't invite her, but when I explained I only recalled the trip when another friend - we'll call him THE HATER - sent me this video and said, "Hey, Chel. Nice dance moves. Love the pants."

So, it's on! Like Don-kay Kong. I'm back in the game and trying like hell to scrounge up the funds in this trying economic time to upgrade - yes, UPGRADE - my seats to somewhere close to Donnie's lap.

Ah, the good ole days. NKOTB and Jake Ryan. 4-EVER