Yeah, I fell off the bandwagon. Again. In a complete moment of weakness, I did manage to sell my tickets and my not-quite-on-Donnie's-lap VIP package for a decent price. This is all MT's fault (MT = Former Friend). He asked if I was still going.

Chellie: (excited) Do you want to go with me?
MT: Are you fucking crazy?
Chellie: I'm just trying to re-capture my childhood.
MT: (confused) You hated your childhood.
Chellie: Shut up! You don't know!!!
MT: That's mature.

The thing about my ex-buddy MT is that he always throws that line out there. Since we were kids. That's mature. My dog died. That's mature. I think we should just be friends. That's mature. You're an asshole. That's mature. I hate you.

On and on and on. I seriously want to reach through the phone and hurt him. That's mature, right?

So, basically because he knows I'm waivering on whether or not to go he says his sister would buy the tickets. She was like five when NKOTB was in their prime but she knows a good thing when she finds it. He convinces me that I can sell her the tickets and still get my upgrade to Donnie's lap (did I mention he can be very supportive in my endeavors?). I see the wisdom of his logic so I agree and hand over my tickets to his I-still-can't-believe-she's-grown-up sister.

Here's the real bitch. No tickets. Not a fucking single ticket that I want because the seats I sold were clearly as close to Donnie's lap as I was going to get. I call him, near hysterics:

Chellie: I need my tickets back
MT: Are you fucking crazy?
Chellie: I'm serious, MT. I'm freaking out here. Sister is going to be on Donnie's lap.
MT: Please. Don't. Talk. About. My. Sister. On. Someones. Lap.
Chellie: That's mature.

I'm so screwed. And I'm sad because now I want to go. Again. He volunteers to drive me to San Antonio for their show tonight. And what? We walk around asking for tickets to the party in Donnie's pants? He was sweet for offering but the last time I took a road trip with him we ended up in Montana. On a ranch. With cows. This is what happens because Chellie didn't pay attention in Geography class.

Digression...but that was a painful and humiliating experience in my life. It's a long story and I don't really want to talk about it but just know TO THIS DAY his family still gives me shit about that trip.

So, here I am in mourning over my idiotic decision to sell my tickets without first checking to make sure I could get the upgrade I dreamed of...it's totally my own fault - but still.

I just got this text from MT:

MT: Still pissed?
Chellie: I hate you. F MF F AH F'er
MT: Are you trolling for vampires?
Chellie: Fuck off.
MT: That's mature

He's so hurt the next time I see him...

yeah, so the abs are okay...but the move at :26? Ugh. The only time that could ever be hot would maybe be if we were both on the horizontal plane but I'm really thinking it might just be painful...

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod

Oh. My. God.

I'm fucking thirteen. Again.

I have to admit, I haven't been feelin' the NKOTB vibe since I spent my life savings on concert tickets AND the VIP package - which by the way, I still don't know exactly what that gets me, but I'm hoping it involves naked bodies. ANYWAY. I was literally looking on EBAY to see how much I could get for my million $$$ tickets...when BFF in Utah (Yay! Mormons) sends me a link to a video.

BFF: OMG. Click this link. OMG

That's all it said. I should mention the last time I had those words from her in an email it was a link to a NSFW video of someone we both know doing the humpty hump for all the world to see. And can I just point out that has to just be morbid fascination...because hell yeah I watched it but not in the 'yeah, baby' kind of way. It was more of the *vomit* reach for the phone *vomit* yell at her for sending it, then watching it again. Together. While dissecting every move. How's that BUCKO!!

What were we talking about?

Right. NEW KIDS ON THE FREAKIN' BLOCK. The link was a video of NKOTB in Boston. AKA The Motherland for New Kid fans, such as I. And it was the Fab Five dancing around on stage and it was 1989 again. It was a beautiful moment in my life.

So, last time I brought them up I was in L-O-V-E with gay Jon. No longer, my friends. It was all a ruse to cover up with soul deep longings for my one and only true love - at least until Mark stops knocking that model girl up and comes to his senses. I;m talking about I'm-back-with-the-band-so-I-can-no-longer-be-married PRAISE JESUS Donnie.

God. God. God. I love him. See? I'm still thirteen. Here's some crazy footage of me (but not really me) dancing.



Imagine my surprise when I was asked to put on tight purple pants, take 8 shots of chilled Patron (because only severe drunkeness can produce such moves) and join the boys on stage. On a moving stage. On a piano. Oh, and do you mind wearing a wig? I was a little hesitant about the purple pants but the wig and Patron are staples in my life so really, it was no hardship. Then Donnie hops up on the piano and declares his undying love for me in front of our -er, I mean - his hometown. Now, I know it sounds like he's singing but that's just those other dudes dancing around not really knowing what was going on. And I know it looks like he's pointing to some other someone in the crowd, but that was just the Patron throwing off his sense of direction.

I got so excited I almost pee'd my pants. You can see that at about 1:23. I had to shake my head repeatedly to keep the pee in. Hey, don't knock it until you've tried it.

The crazy thing is, I don't even remember going to Boston. BFF in Utah was very disappointed that I didn't invite her, but when I explained I only recalled the trip when another friend - we'll call him THE HATER - sent me this video and said, "Hey, Chel. Nice dance moves. Love the pants."

So, it's on! Like Don-kay Kong. I'm back in the game and trying like hell to scrounge up the funds in this trying economic time to upgrade - yes, UPGRADE - my seats to somewhere close to Donnie's lap.

Ah, the good ole days. NKOTB and Jake Ryan. 4-EVER

The Beantown Fab Five is making a comeback. Praise be to the Lord. I'm 31 years old. I shouldn't be this excited. But wtf, I F'IN LOVED THESE GUYS back in the day. I almost wet my pants when i read it on ihategreenbeans.com. Seriously. This anxious excitement built up inside me and i was thirteen all over again heading down to reunion arena with my NKOTB t-shirt and all my buttons praying to GOD Donnie would see my in the last row of the upper balcony and declare his undying love for me.

So, that didn't happen. Probably because of my lurid affair with his brother, Marky Mark. Yeah, I'm still bitter.

At my age, I can literally drop my old cassette in my $25 jam box and still sing along with every word to every song...even the b-side. Of course, I have them all on my IPOD, but it's fun to rub off the dust and relive those childhood dreams.

J. Timberlake ain't got nothing on these boys...except more talent and money...

For the record, I'm over Donnie. The minute I saw how HOT Jonathan is (because he's aged to perfection and has a brain to boot...see spanksters geek post for details), I fell in LOVE. He's no Navy SEAL but there's room here for brawn, brains and shy, skinny geeky dudes.

All I got to say is: THEY BETTER COME TO DALLAS and KRISTI BETTER GET A PLANE TICKET HOME.

Enjoy the show (Donnie AND Mark):



P.S. How many of us tried to learn that cool stair dance? I think I broke my ankle...