I wonder if my Vol. number is off? Alas, I don't really care but I wonder... Anyhoo, it was such an exciting weekend for little old me. I spent some quality time with my crazy ass sister and her kids. Normally, my sister keeps the crazy pretty well hidden but she had experienced an unexpected shock the previous evening as her two 11 year old sons returned from the 6th grade dance. What does this have to do with the USO or the military? Not a damn thing but I'm pretty sure I have a future alpha male on my hands and I'm just so damn proud I had to share.

My sister has a couple of chairs place strategically placed around her property. *la ti da she lives in some gated horseman community* so she can sit unobserved and spy - although she would never use that exact word, she probably calls it something LAME like parenting - ANYWAY, she has these chairs and the kids never know where she's going to position them so she always manages to catch them doing crazy kid stuff. So the boys are walking up to the house and my crazy ass sister is in her sniper position in the chair. Little sweet already-has-had-11-girlfriends M is talking about how he's going to use Britney to get to Stephanie (or maybe it was the other way around) and lets slip (probably wasn't exactly a slip but he didn't know Mom had her scope focused on him) the big 'P' word. As in kitty cat snatch. As in get some of that.

Needless to say my crazy ass sister flew off the handle and is now in the fetal position rocking quietly while murmuring 'why me? whhhhyyyy me?' over and over.

I tried to scold M for his improper use of language and told him he could get deadly diseases from girls by dancing too close (he was afraid that was the case so he assured me that he danced an appropriate distance from all 4 of his dance partners). And I told him to stay away from girls whose first names end with the long E sound. At which point the little shit pointed out my name ended in the long E sound. Jerk.

Oh, what good times lay ahead.

On to the countdown. I'm your host, DJ Chellie Snazzz

10. Let me just say if I had it to do over again, I would have volunteered at some military something or other and had my wicked way with an alpha. Alas, those days are gone so I'm settling for watching the women at the airport with their bared bellies lure those bad boys into their lair of whatever. Lucky beeotches.

9. Funny as hell football guy from last week was back again this week *sunday is his travel day*. He talked football NON STOP for at least two hours until some lady who was the wife of someone he worked with came up and snagged him away. Funny part, he made the lady call his wife and she had to keep repeating her name. Probably the wife wasn't thrilled at that moment in time.

8. I played peek a boo with one adorable little 15 month old heart breaker with the biggest pair of eyes in the south. Thing were going along fine and dandy until my shirt got snagged on the patch board. I would have played it off with great success if some smarty pants at the bar hadn't been watching us. His laughter drew stares and as I mock glared at him, I know my cheeks were on fire.

7. Army dude with red hair telling me about how he got picked to work at some golf tournament in Hawaii and some pro golfers golf ball almost hit him. Well, long story short he ends up hanging out with that guy and going to bars. I know nothing about golf except tiger and some hot guy of hispanic origin. So I ask, "Was he old?" Cause all golfers except those two I mentioned above are OLD, right? Obviously not. He also met Adam Sandler and that heavy guy from that movie where they were firefighters. He gave me the complete rundown on their physical appearance. It was a little bit weird but he needed to talk. Or brag. Whatever.

6. An Air Force girl rockin those green combat boots and telling me all about training and Korea and Italy. And her brother in the Army. I bet their mother has grey hair.

5. We were asked to pack on overnight bag for a Marine. And of course we pack waaaaaaaaay too much stuff. He started unloading some stuff - which okay, kinda hurt my feelings - and okay, he might have noticed because he put some stuff back in the bag. I bet the bag broke as he left to wait for the hotel shuttle. Bless his heart.

4. I was oh sooooo proud of myself for correctly identifying not one, not two, but THREE Marines...of course one may not count because as he laughingly pointed out he was wearing a shirt that said USMC but whatever. I told him I was able to tell because of the hair. And the swagger - but I left that part out.

3. After asking another volunteer to check out the dude rocking some fantastic aviator glasses at the front desk which just happened to be at the same time a sweet clad in all white with the flap sailor boy was walking out. New guy volunteer says "Are you looking at his butt?!" To which I replied, "God no! He's a SAILOR!" If you've ever seen a sailor up close with those white with the flap in the back uniforms you would understand my shock.

2. The sweet aforementioned sailor coming in with a CPO that just happened to be on the same plane going to the same destination asked for Doritos. All I could do was worry about the cheese and the possibility that he might wipe his fingers on his pants or drop a chip and ruin the pristine whiteness and purity of the attire. Of course, what I forget is that military folks have WAY more self control than me and he used a napkin. Clever little tyke.

1. CPO: Do you know how Canada got it's name?
Chellie: (grins and raises hand) I do! I do!
CPO: Ah, she does. So we can do this together?
Chellie: Oh, I can't wait.
CPO: They're all sitting around with letters of the alphabet in a hat. The guy pulls out a letter and says "C".
Chellie: (in best Canadian accent) 'AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA'

And so on and so forth. I explain that I hear Canadian jokes all the time when I have to call blackberry support when I'm in the office. I love those crazy cats up in Ontario.

Until next time...I think I once had some spiffy tag line here but I've long since forgotten. Geez.