So. It finally happened. Okay, so I don't really know what happened, but I have a theory. How many times have I mentioned the too small donation box hole and the hours of endless amusement it has provided to me? Rhetorical question, stop thinking about searching the archives. Well, as you can see someone finally had enough and just smashed the poor thing and some brilliant volunteer used scotch tape to put humpty dumpty back together again. I couldn't have been happier - unless they would have used duct tape..that would have been priceless - not because it was broke, that sucked, but I saw instantly that it was going to be a centerpiece of entertainment for me once again. Three, maybe four, times someone struggled to insert the money and that gave me just as many times to point out that perhaps that was the reason it was in the condition it was in. One guy just laid his money on top and walked away. I heart him. (of course it could have just as easily fallen off the counter but thinking some frustrated patron had had enough is WAY better!)

On with the countdown.

10. Impressing a young couple from Alaska with my night/day knowledge. I'll admit here that prior to my friend taking a trip to Alaska a couple of years I had no idea they have limited daylight in the winter and limited nighttime in the summer...Shout out to Clee!!

9. Conversation between me and Super Tall Volunteer A:
VA: (looking at my blank stare) Don't you guys look lively back here.
Chellie: (Snaps out of trance) I'm getting ready to do my song and dance and I'm mentally preparing myself.
VA: (laughs)

I think he thought I was kidding.

8. 60 minutes had a segment about Wycliff Jean...when they played that Shakira song, I really did start to dance. SO THERE!! (So what if it was only my hips, and I was walking...into the store room?)

7. Everyone knows I have an aversion to the front desk, right? Not because I don't like greeting our guests but because they only ask hard questions when I'm there. But my TL was eating and VR and VA had headed off to get some more supplies and there I was.

Chellie: Welcome to the USO...blah blah blah...have you been in here before?
Soldier: Yes.
Chellie: Well welcome back!
Soldier: Thank you.
Chellie: I'm glad you're back.
Soldier: (grins and gives me a look)
Chellie: Well, not me personally but in general. Like, we're all glad you're back. Here. With us. All of us. Happy.

It's like something real bad happens to my brain up there and I start speaking poop.

6. Jack? Is that you?

5. I believe I witnessed a love story in the making. I saw this young lady upstairs reading 'YOU BEING BEAUTIFUL'. I thought, Ahhh. Then sometime later she came to the bar and ordered up some grub. Then she sat down at a table and was soon joined by a young soldier. I asked VJ some time later if she knew if they came together. She said she didn't think so. They talked for hours (okay, maybe like 20 minutes - but you can't put a time stamp on LOVE!). I told VJ she was working her Being Beautiful magic and the schmuck didn't stand a chance. She pointed out later that the schmuck left and our heroine was left alone. Not everything can end well.

4. A FV (frequent visitor) came in and ordered like a pro. I adore her. She had brought with her two young men (by young, here I mean the one I saw was mid to late twenties), one of whom she had lost. She called him on her cell a couple of times and looked at me and said, "How can he just disappear? One second there, the next gone. Well, that's his ass not mine. Not wasting my minutes trying to track his ass down."

The second guy comes in and angels began to sing and we all stared in shock and awe at his beautiful face. Seriously. I kid you not. Then he started to speak. Oh man, God really does have a sense of humor. Think that little lizard from the insurance commercial. Only without the accent. It was painful.

3. Some guy came in and VR had to come consult with our TL about what to do. VR and I are a team when it comes to tackling tough situations (like waking someone up) so I head up to the front for moral support. He's lost his bags. In here? No out there (points to the general terminal area). Where? I think over there, somewhere. Clearly we are not prepared to handle this. I speak up and say that if he lost them outside the USO, his best bet would be to talk to the great guys and gals down at the TSA checkpoint. I'm sure they love to find people that leave their bags unattended. I left that part out. In comes Scooter Cop. That's not a slam. He's the coolest cop ever with his Segway. Seriously, he might be close to letting me ride it. 'Gator over at upside down pears rode one once while she was slightly intoxicated in a hotel and I've had a goal ever since. ANYWAY...we cleary see Scooter as an out and lay the whole mystery at his feet (he's got skills, right?). He takes in the story and starts the whole FAA violations to leave bags unattended (See? I was right!) speech. He asks the guys, Where did you leave them. Guy drops his head and says, I need to think. I can't really remember. Like I have a lot of things on my mind, man. Okay. You totally just sounded like my brother in the midst of one of his hippie highs. I left at that point because I was about to die laughing. Turns out he was drunker than a skunk. He might be in the next arrest report in that DFW magazine. I can't wait.

2. We got a freaking menu board at the Center. I couldn't believe it. It's beautiful and magnetic and rearrangable and everything. We got lots of compliments on it - like we designed and installed it ourselves! When we ran out of Honey Mustard Chicken, I was too excited to ask tall VA to take the magnet off. It's the little things, you know?

1. I live in a world of oblivion. I'm not ashamed, it's how I roll. A patron walks up and I smile then carry on with my stacking of the chips and whatever else I was doing. When he walked away to heat his yummy sandwich, VJ slides over and says:

VJ: (talking out the side of her mouth) Oooooh, girl, did you just see the way he looked at you?
Chellie: No! Who? Where? When?
VJ: (with a painful sigh of resignation) Oh, God, nevermind.

Turns out it was the poor soul from the front desk that I'd had poop of the mouth with. I explained the situation and assured her any look he sent in my direction was based on sympathy and a general disbelief that I am allowed into public arenas. She looked doubtful but let it go. I hid in the storeroom until he left and sang "if you like it then you shoulda put a ring on it". KIDDING! I'm sooooo kidding.

Well, there it is. One thing that didn't make the countdown that should have but I didn't think of it until just now is the guy at the bar rubbing his temples. I asked if he had a headache and he explained he was recovering from a going away party. I nodded in sympathy and said, "So you need some pepcid, right?" Never had anyone been more grateful for the drug, except maybe that poor, poor guy involved in last week's INCIDENT (too bad it didn't work for him or my shoes). We proceeded to exchange stories and I instructed him on the merits of actually taking the pepcid the night of the binges. When he ordered ice cream I moved to the other end of the bar. I've had enough INCIDENT's to last forever.

It was another busy night but it was great to see everyone that I hadn't seen since I was out for all those weeks. Especially a couple of our regulars that were all "Where have you been, young lady." I love those guys.

There I go, saving the world - one disbelieving 'are you Jack?' at a time.

-c