USO Diary, Vol 10
Wow! What an accomplishment! 10 TOP 10's...and I've been there 6 months. Soooooo lame.
So, tonight was great. No one commented on my sunburned nose which means it's clearly not as bad as I thought. I wore my favorite black and white striped Gianni Bini flats with the cute silver buckle. Lots of comments on how cute they were...from guys. I never realized you boys noticed shoes unless they were five inches or higher. My checkpoint dudes checked out and I have a new crew to entertain me. However, I know one of the vato's from Terminal D so they should be easy to win over. Holmes told me to go on through with my shoes on and guess what? The alarm went off. It never fails.
Onward we march.
10. Yesterday I watched Forrest Gump. I really don't like that movie but I watched it again because I do like the part where Jenny tells Forrest he has a son. It's so sad when he asks her if he's smart and I love how he looks at Jenny. Like a man that really loves a woman. Anyway, is it wrong that when a slow speaking southern boy is talking to me that all I can think of is Forrest Gump? And is it wrong that in my over active imagination I see a battle scene with other soldiers yelling at him calling him really bad names? It is, isn't it? What's wrong with me?
9. Marine who hung out for several hours says, after listening to Gump talking, something about how Marines are not allowed to say some word. I knew instantly I needed to pull out my blackberry and type it up because I was going to forget the word but I was afraid of being asked any questions, so I didn't. And I forgot. But whatever the word is they are told to say 'wayward' (hope that's right, and I've already emailed MFM to verify) instead. Then he gave the definition of the word and when would be the appropriate time to use it. I don't know any word definitions by heart so I was impressed.
Side Note: There are a lot of rules in the military, I often find myself thinking how fortunate for me that I didn't enlist because surely I would have flunked out.
8. I drink a lot of water on my shift. A. Lot. Of. Water. Potty breaks like no other. I toss my bottle and Marine asks me to hand it to him.
Chellie: The one in the trash?
Marine: Yes.
Chellie: But it's in the trash.
Marine: (giving me the stare down) Give it to me.
I'm such a wimp. He goes on to start explaining why we should always leave the lid off because otherwise it won't bio degrade or some shit. Before he gets way deep into the lecture I look at those around me watching us and I say, "I feel like I am being chastised, so would you guys mind averting your eyes?" Laughter. I frown and say, "I'm not joking."
7. The Cowboys played today. An Air Force lady was at the bar watching the game with us. She's cheering for the boys. Yelling, screaming, clapping hands. And I was right there with her. And like all good Cowboy fans we grunted and groaned in OT when they screwed the pooch and lost the game. Idiots.
6. Group of young Sailors come in. Marine leaves the bar to go visit with him. I'm watching the game but listening to his words of wisdom he's giving the guys. He says, "The most important thing to remember is this: Whatever you do, don't get married." I crack up laughing and he tried to stare me down but AF lady was there laughing along with me, so I didn't wimp out this time.
5. Soldier with a last name ending in 'duex' came in...I wonder if he's from Louisiana. No real accent (I heart a good Cajun accent) but his patch has one of those symbols like the saints have. He points out his patch on the board, someone ask where it's from and I blurt out Louisiana. Which leads to all kinds of question about how I know and I have to admit it was a lucky guess.
Side Note: My new favorite patch is one with a likeness of Borat on it. I point it out to Marine while we are looking for a patch with Stewie on it, he says that's not Stewie (Idiot, he added silently). I say it's Borat, I put that "Dyke" there (referring to the name patch I had once put on the board). He laughs. Probably I should choose my words more carefully.
4. Arabic. Three soldiers spoke Arabic to me. It was kinda hot. Probably they cussed me out or told me to stop or they'd shoot but whatever.
3. I've been reading Stephanie Meyer, so I'm on the look out for vampires. A young man with a very deep, very old world articulate voice asks me for soup. Did I mention he was pale? And his hands were cold? I quickly serve him, keeping my neck from appearing too enticing. Instead of thanking me, he says, "Cheese." I stare at him wondering if vampires have a secret language like the military. What does 'cheese' mean? Volunteer A ask him what his nationality was when he left, possible vampire says, "Australian." I ask VA how he knew he wan't American because the accent was very vague...he said because when he had given him a bottle of water he said, "Cheers."
Chellie: (disappointed he might not be a vamp) I thought he said "Cheese"
VA: (Just stares but clearly he thinks I'm an idiot)
Chellie: Whatever
2. Army dude giving advice to NG dude about to deploy. "Make sure you make friends with the Aussie's. They have a pool and if they like you, they'll let you swim." In my head I picture palaces and hot guys with accents lounging around a pool while Jack in Iraq is delivering mail and bitching at me about how hot it is. Bless his virgin heart.
1. Dude walks up to the bar and calls my name. No one knows my name. I turn around going over my self defense techniques in my head. Hottest guy ever is looking at me. I died a little inside.
Chellie: How do you know my name?
HGE: The lady at the front told me to ask for you.
Chellie: (So pleased I don't have to kick his ass) That was so nice of her.
I packed him a goodie bag because he was going to stay at the hotel for the night. He asks me to call and make the reservation (we do this often), then he asks me to walk him to the bag room to pick up his bags (why else would he need the bag room?). While walking to the bag room he tells me he's headed to Guam. For two years. I try to pretend like I know what and where Guam is...he had huge bags. Three huge bags. I asked why? He looks at me and laughs, "I wasn't sure how to pack two years full of stuff." I notice his HUGE backpack has a metal bar. I ask if it hurts. He said only a little. I asked if I could try it on. He helps me pull it on and then has to catch me when I start to tip over. I think he might have peed his pants a little.
Probably that last part might be on an airport security camera and I can only hope it makes its way to youtube because that shit was funny. I was so embarrassed. I'm always teasing guys about how much crap they have in their backpacks and how heavy they must be. Now I know. I'd have to crawl if I was forced to lug that thing around.
It was a totally entertaining night. Lots of stories that didn't make the top ten, because, well, it's a top ten. For instance, a soldier said the first thing he's going to do when he gets back to Iraq is sign up on AnySoldier.com. OMG. I get all my care package addresses from there. Really? Yes! He gives me his name and tells me to look him up in a couple of months.
And the fact that I worked the front desk with confidence. Probably because HGE was there with me waiting for me to walk with him and I didn't want to look like too big of an idiot...that was before we knew his backpack was going to knock me on my ass.
There I go saving the world, one backpack catastrophe at a time...
Sunday, October 12, 2008
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