So, wow. That's really me. All airbrushed and stuff. Riiiiight.

How ridiculous is it that I totally got excited today because I got to fill out my badge access form? Sad, but alas it's true. For shizzle, it's like my life is complete. I kid. Sort of.

I figure the best way to blog my experiences would be with a top ten list. Because I'm funny and Dave said it would be okay.

Probably I should have started this four weeks ago on day one but I thought the video diary would work better as it turns out by the end of my shift I look like ass - because it's like work and stuff - and this way you get to read it and not be frightened by my hair and dark circles.


10. Day one someone decides Chellie should man the front desk. Need I say more? Just ask the guy who missed his flight because I didn't know how to get him a copy of his 'orders'. Turns out it was more than anyone could have handled in 15 minutes (the amount of time we had before his plane left) but at least I now know what 'orders' are.

9. Soldiers don't like chips. I'm not sure what this phenom is, probably relates to health and all, but I'm just sayin' if you're going to pack away Mountain Dew and a Spicy Chicken the damage is already being done...SO EAT THE FREAKIN' CHIPS. Pretzels and Baked Cheeto's DO NOT COUNT.

8. When convincing a soldier it is OKAY to eat the chips, one should always sample what is being offered. Because there is a slight chance that said soldier will demand you try one of the offending goodies and you might want to hurl. Again, I'm just sayin'.

7. I have learned that people in the military speak an unknown language. I think it might be called 'military' but this is unconfirmed. Today I was conversing with three lovely army boys and they said some word I had never heard. I'm a smart girl so I used context clues and said, "Is that like a demerit?" I know. They looked at me for several seconds and then had a good laugh at my expense but agreed it was similar only it could end up costing them money and rank. They went on to discuss NCO's and E6's and I started thinking about puffy clouds and rainbows.

6. The best feeling in the world is when a soldier says "I'll see you in two weeks." Of course I never have the heart to tell them that their outbound usually leaves before my shift starts but it's great to know they might look forward to chatting with me again. Because I am a funny girl and I give them Kit Kats and stuff.

5. "So, is your husband in the military?" Most asked question to me on my shift. When I explain I'm just a civilian (military speak that I feel empowered to use) they always just look and me and then thank me. Which makes me sad because are they really used to only people with ties to the military wanting to do something for them?

4. Hands down Marines are by far the best looking men in the world. This is no joke. Navy follows a close second but not that close. And Army guys are pretty funny.

3. Helicopter pilots that complain they can't drive Humvees are hilarious.

2. For all my life I will never forget the soldier that asked me to repeat everything I said to him. When I finally just stopped and laughed he said, "I'm sorry. I'm fucking deaf." Then apologized for cursing - which of course I profusely thanked him because potty mouth that I am appreciated the moment.

1. Beware of hugs. Not because they are creepy or uncomfortable but because they are dangerous to your mental well being. I'm forever wounded by the young soldier that asked for a hug before he went off to catch his flight. It broke my heart.

So there it is. Top Ten list # 1.

Here's a TOP TEN of things that happened today on my shift:

10. Chellie still is unsure how to make coffee. The lids and marked cups are intimidating.

9. Energy drinks are amazing.

8. A soldier walks up to me and says "My A He" and I didn't get it!!! I was SOOOO disappointed that I had forgotten I had my NUMA! NUMA! button on and he had to explain and I totally killed the bit. Damn it to hell!!!

7. To three amusing army boys I said during the course of our conversation, "I don't cook." To which the young one says, "Not even spaghetti?". Oh, well yes of course I can cook that, just boil noodles and add a can of sauce. To which one gives me the crazy look and says, "You don't put meat in your spaghetti?" Of course I do, silly, but you can buy that already cooked too! My, oh my, how they laughed. Even the other two plain clothed goofballs that weren't part of our conversation had a good laugh.

6. Tired soldier comes in and plops down at the bar and I say my usual what can I get you. To which he just sighs. I say you look tired how about an energy drink. Which, okay, might have been a dirty low down trick on my part because I forget to tell them that although they will wake you up they are sour AS HELL. Like a jolly rancher. He takes one swig and asks for water. I snickered.

5. Skinny young army boy tells me that back in Iraq they like to take those energy drinks that are like shots. After discussing them for a bit he starts talking about how they do that before they work out. I say to skinny army boy, "You work out?" Did I mention I like to take happy pills before my shift. Note to self: don't do that again.

4. Soldiers sits down and says he's on R&R. I asked where's home. He says Iraq. How sad is that?

3. Ice cream sales were down. I wasn't pushing them today so maybe that's my fault but they didn't have the giant ones and I love to watch them eat those.

2. Air force guy had the coolest boots ever today. They were green! Normally I only see tan so I had to comment. He was rockin' those babies!!!

1. Skinny army dude likes to talk. A lot. About everything. AND I MEAN EVERYTHING.

I love my Sunday job and I love the ladies on my shift. It's the best job ever.

Saving the world, one soldier at a time.

-Chellie