So, I try not to write about work in detail because I think I have closet readers and I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings...which is why I took down the cat fight blog...because even though I don't like the bitch, I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

Plus I'm paranoid. It's what happens when you work with a bunch of professional hackers.

So, today I'm out enjoying the beautiful Texas day polluting the air with pungent cigarette smoke with a buddy (B). Another lady (AL) comes out to join us and she's carrying her purse.

Me or B: Going home early?
AL: No, it smells like natural gas in the building so I came outside
Me: (looking frightful) Probably you shouldn't light that lighter
AL: Someone's debating pulling the fire alarm
Me: (looking hopeful) I love firemen!!!

As we head back inside there are people roaming the halls looking dazed and confused, taking in huge lungfuls of the sewage tainted air, mumbling under their breath and looking at the ceiling as if they could pin point the source of the odor.

I'm from the country. I know what septic smells like and, honey, it's nothing like natural gas.

The entire building was polluted. My area is pretty isolated so I head back to my hole where the air is still clean. I warn co-workers to stay where they are because the crazies were in the hall becoming intoxicated with the aroma of shit. I head out - because shit smell is common in my WT part of the world - to deliver some paperwork and see my building guys standing outside one of the rooms where a bunch of building equipment is housed - I'm pretty lame with details, I know. The engineer is standing half inside the room wearing ONE purple glove and the manager is standing in the hall randomly pressing on the lysol bottle.

Personally, I'll take the shit smell any day over the putrid stank of lysol. Who invented that smell anyway?

I give the boys a hard time and go on about my business, getting stopped every few steps by assholes I work with so they can make inappropriate comments about how 'I couldn't have waited until I got home?' and 'what'd you have for lunch today?' Ha. Ha. Shut the fuck up. Actually I did laugh it off (nervously) because what if they really thought it was me? The Horror!

Which, btw, is a whole 'nother post on bathroom etiquette.

Turns out it was some drain cleaner they poured down the pipes in the fitness center that cleared the mess but contaminated the air intake something or other thus sending the lovely smell throughout the entire campus. Hilarious. Purple Glove, Manager and I had a great time cracking jokes about how Purple Glove had to go digging for the shit (not really) but it was funny as hell because he's so damn animated. Their jokes didn't bother me because they are not the egotistical maniacs I deal with daily in IT.

Five or ten minutes later I'm sitting in my hole when the door opens, purple glove with lysol can appears through the crack. The jackass unleashed that lysol until the can was empty. My entire area is doomed. I'm screaming at him, calling him names through the door as he convulses with laughter on the other side. My eyes are watering from the scent. I hate lysol. And I can't touch the door because paranoid me is wondering 'What if he really did touch shit?'

Finally he comes in tears in his eyes - just like me but for the wrong reasons - looking like Michael Jackson with that damn glove. More bathroom jokes. What is it with boys and farts? I'm not immune to the humor, just wondering. I was rolling on the floor laughing as they talked about the horror of the men's restroom and made appropriate noises the entire time.

Now that I think about it, maybe it's not just boys. BFF in Utah used to light her farts in the Taco Bell parking lot.

Seriously.

Just thinking about it gives me chills...