Howdy y'all! Do Britney proud and say it loud! Miss me? Yeah, right. So, I was on vacation for a week, then back at work for a week and then sick for 4 days and counting. Being ill at my advanced age is H - E - Double Hockey Sticks.

So to get you caught up, I'm just gonna do a little non-USO top ten. Sacrilege...probably but what the fuck. It's my blog.

10. Sunday at noon I went into my bedroom to put away some clothes I had folded. I know. I'm totally out of control. Anyway. I literally almost collapsed. Just instant sickness. Fever. Throat. Runny eyes. Weakness. It was unbelievable.

9. Dedicated soul that I am, I got up at 2 to shower for my shift at the USO. It wasn't until I could not lift the hair dryer that I decided to wuss out completely and call my TL. I felt like I was in high school worried about if they would think I forged my mom's note.

8. Biloxi, Mississippi. Bad Beach, Cool Casinos, Awesome pool, nice military wives, beach front condo with a balcony, hot ass military boys running half naked down the beaches. It is the greatest place on earth but only until I go to San Diego.

7. three weeks without the uso and i'm freakin out. i had to email my m-a-r-i-n-e to get a fix. isn't he so sweet to me?

6. Jack might be dead or still in that foreign country with that girl he'd never met. i'm praying for his virgin soul.

5. I love brad colbert. if you don't know why, you suck.

4. I got a steroid shot in my 'hip', doctor speak for drop your drawers. It hurt like a mother fo. Already I feel my muscles bulging.

3. GSP won his fight. Thank the lord. Gigi came running in the room. Why are you yelling? BECAUSE HE WON'T FINISH HIM. Do you love him. YES, I LOVE HIM. Why is he like one of those army rangers you send food too. NO! WHY DOES IT ALWAYS HAVE TO COME BACK TO A MAN IN A UNIFORM? HUH? WHY? hehehe

2. i have watched every movie ever made in the past four days. even some bigfoot movie. can i please feel better. soon?

1. politician's that preach to me about middle class America piss me off. PISS ME OFF! people born with silver spoons should never condescend to talk to me about my situation. do not tell me you know minimum wage isn't enough. do not tell me you know we need to take better care of our veterans. I FUCKING know this. You? You FUCKING fix it. You're the rich bitches idiots that buy political bullshit voted into office...so do for once what you promised and FIX IT. And please, be sure to ask me how many houses I own, because baby, I know.

Give your money to charity, work at mcdonalds, then give me a call so we can talk. Assholes.

Potty mouth me. Sorry.

I love Jake Ryan.