Great number, eh?

Tonight I am working the late shift...because I can.

10. I escorted one of the non-badged volunteers through security checkpoint. Yeah, he has a nail or pipe or some other unknown piece of metal in his knee AND the TSA team had rotated so no-one knew him. 25 minutes later....he'd been scanned, patted and molested but he was cleared. 25 MINUTES!!!!

9. I have said repeatedly that I should not be in charge of answering the phone. Sometimes TL get lulled into a false sense of security and forgets...silly woman. A soldier that didn't know if he was returning from R&R but thought he was called, call the PAP. He calls back, PAP doesn't want him because he's actually returning from AIT (huh?) and he needs to call an 800 number to get his itinerary. Can I mention that in the first call I asked are you returning to Kuwait, Afghanistan or Iraq? Answer: Yes. That prolly should have been my first clue. So...then I hang up and task team lead to go pick him up. Name? (shrug) Does he have bags? (shrug) Is he wearing a bunny suit? (Shrug) Is the sky blue? (Shrug) followed by WHY ARE YOU LETTING ME ANSWER THE PHONE??

8. God I love this job!

7. We love you too Chellie! (that's from TL#2. I <3 her!)

6. TL #2 spies a deserted bridal bouquet laying on top of a recycle can outside our door. "Chellie, go get it." Okay!!

TL: Wait, what if it has a bomb in it?
Me: OMG!!! Why would you tell me that right before I go get it!!!

I retrieved it but performed a very strict and complete test (ear to stem, listening for ticking) before I apprehended the suspect and placed in a vase of water. I freaking felt like James Bond...

The Target:



"I bet it was pretty before it got ugly," says TL

5. I don't know how to explain this but #6 led to talk of what would you do if...I already have my plan because that's the type of person I am...I'm going down the tunnel at B15 and running for dear life. I remember nothing else from my TSA training EXCEPT that I have access to be down there on the thing where the planes land. In my head I see me running, OJ Style with helicopters and DFW police following slowly behind me. I know I'm weird.

4. TL: Name a famous basketball player! Chellie: Dr. J (followed by stunned silence)



So? Maybe I'm not the most knowledgeable sports database in the world...I know more than TL!!!! (see #2)

3. I will say that the one regret I have about working the late shift is that I missed what might have been a very impressive outfit that the fireman Chaplin d had on...oh, man I would've paid money to see that thing.

2. More 'basketball' saga:

TL: Wait, maybe it was Michael Irvin.
Me: WHAT? He didn't play basketball!!
TL: Well, it was SOME sports figure.
Me: (laughing hysterically)
TL: It was eighty something...
Me: OMG!! Are you serious right now? Michael Irvin was the greatest point guard the Dallas Cowboys ever had!!

1. Drum Roll Please....here is an exact replica of the outfit D had on...I can't express how sad I am to have missed this. I hope his fireman friends laugh.. CAUSE WE ARE!!!




There I go...saving the world, one crazy a$$ shift at a time....

*** PRAY FOR MY MARINES AND ALL THAT ARE STILL DEPLOYED FIGHTING IN AFGHANISTAN ***

You might be wondering what that clever little creature is, but you'll have to keep reading to find out. There are no hints in this game.

Another day, another dollar at the DFW USO this week. Side Note: When I'm working I make mental notes, and if I want to make sure I remember - I get some paper, or make notes on my iPhone. So, today when I wanted to dig out my Top Ten from Sunday...I found 3 in my purse. Pretty sure I need to up my dose. Again.

Onward we MARCH!!!

10. This one is admittedly lame for those who aren't a fan, but since I happen to want to have babies with him this was a very exciting moment for me. I think Paul Rudd snuck into the USO. Not Kidding. This 'poser' looked, talked and acted in a manner very similar to Paul, love of my life, Rudd. Except he wasn't funny. Or lining up all the chairs to try them all out...

9. T-shirt of the night: I CAN BE YOUR PRIVATE DANCER

Oh, he went there. Except I have no idea what it means. Wonder if he charges? (snicker, snicker. TL thought I should ask him what it meant. Somehow I think this joke was on me, because she looked like she was up to something. She's sneaky like that.

8. Mr. Tiny, er, I mean, Private Dancer indulged in one of the protein cereal delights we happen to stock. I've been wondering for weeks what this experience would encompass. I was not disappointed. It looked as delicious as I expected...but I think I'll stick with Doritos and Fried Chicken...

7. That thing up there in the picture? Did you think it was an otter? A cat? A poor pathetic abused animal that should be put down? You'd be right on all counts. It's an otter-cat, aka Jaguarundi. Don't ask how this became a topic of discussion but it did and now the world must know of it's plight. He has a Facebook page. It's serious, y'all. This cat no one knows about that looks like an otter but purrs like a house cat is endangered. Rally's are being planned as we speak...

6. I try not to judge people (ha!) and I hate to hurt peoples feelings so I will either stick around and subject myself to abuse or I will run screaming from the room. I'm not real good with pressure. So when middle aged red shirt man made me the slightest bit uncomfortable, I abandoned my post and lurched for the safety of the front desk and the protection of TL and VR. If only i had more courage...

5. NEW JERSEY WAS IN THE HOUSE. Long nails with - AMAZING - Zebra print tips I knew a fellow fist pumper was in the house. Not that I am from New Jersey but I want to be. FIST PUMP!!!

4.

This is not a joke. These shoes exist and a man, A MAN, wore them into the USO. Okay so he looked like the sleep-outdoors-jump-over-waterfalls type, but still. You have to draw the line somewhere. Really.

3. When I got to the USO on Sunday, TL game me the look. It's the look that says, "You're going to Terminal D." I tried to duck out of her line of fire, looking wildly around for an escape route, then poor, poor, sweet VA says he'll go. Inside I did a little happy dance, but I spent the rest of my shift feeling guilty. But not enough to offer to let him come back and split the duty...

2. "DOROTHY!!" Little old man that can barely walk. Dorothy is his wife. She can barely walk as well. He yells her name. A lot. It's sooooo hard not to laugh. I offer to help DOROTHY with her bag...she looks at me like I'm the masked bandit. I almost peed my pants. Oh, and he asked front desk if we had coupons for Branson. I Heart Old People.

1. We had a Ninja in our midst. Except I think he only revealed his powers to me. No one else seemed impressed that he could have killed any of us with the tip of his pinky nail. I, however, always on the look out for Ninja's, recognized what he was immediately. That's how cool I am.

So that's it for this week.

Saving the world, one Ninja at a time (it's tough but someone has to do it).

IMG_2246.JPG

Starting high, so I can work my way back down to the ground.

So..I was pretty much over this blog but those people I work with on Sunday are RELENTLESS.

"What's on the Top Ten?"
"Did that make the Top Ten?"
"Stop being such a slacker and publish the stupid Top Ten"
"Quitter"

Okay, well maybe those bottom two weren't really in there but still. It was implied.

I love working at the USO. Great folks, great atmosphere, lots of people to stare at and make fun of (come on - it is the airport after all). Most of all I love seeing our soldiers, airmen, sailors, DOD...and that other group of...what are they?

OH YEAH! The MARINES!!!

On with the countdown (that last dig was at MFM whom refuses to break up with me)

10. When I get there (actually on time for a change) there is no one from my shift there. I'm all alone. With 2nd shift. What am I going to do? Should I run screaming? Will they stay to help? Am I going to have to open up the bar and let every man fend for himself? How will I check ID's AND serve food? What if I have to go pee? What if someone needs an escort? What if...? Yes, ladies & gentlemen...this is my thought process. Sad, isn't it?

9. Crazy Lady from the GP (General Public) rushes our doors demanding that someone call Security. Something about the flight crew refusing to let her board. I see a DFW arrest report in her future. I did what I do best, I stayed hidden until the drama had passed then walked out in the hall to stare at her from a distance. How dare she disturb the peace of this frozen sandwich sanctuary!! Crazy lady. Take THAT!

8. We pretty regularly have pilots (retired military, current civilian pilots). Okay can we stop right there? Do you see how very far I have come with my military speak? It's like mold. It grows on you. I don't want it. I don't like it. But there it is flying like runny poop off my fingertips and out my lips. I say things like "Bravo" - that's military speak for "b" - and I can call the PAP office to speak to the Sargent without peeing myself now. I've really grown. I'm so freakin' cool.

7. Since I ruined 8, here it is again promoted to 7 - We have a lot of pilots (civilian, retired military) come in. One gentleman in particular, is every week just about. He never eats what we serve. This Sunday is no different. He goes down to Chili's, comes back with a salad.

Chellie: Dinner?
Pilot: Yep. kdsjfoienvc?
Chellie (not wanting admit I have no idea what he asked): Sure!
Pilot (swings to a stop, stares in amazement): Really?
Chellie (oh no oh no oh no): Nah, just kidding. um..he he?
Pilot (looking relieved): Are you sure? I mean I always say I'll share but no one has ever said yes.
Chellie (IDIOT! He thought you wanted to steal his dinner!): Yeah, I'm sure. I was really just teasing you. Silly. Goose. (I run to the bathroom to die a little)

6. Cutest little boy ever:

"I'm going to see my Daddy!! I'm soooooo hhaaaappppyyyy!"

What a lucky little boy. And what a lucky Daddy to have such a great kid!

5. We had 3 LTC's come in. I would tell you what LTC stands for but I can't spell it. ;-) The first begins to tell me about this unit he's in charge of and I boldly (yes, I said BOLDLY) asked if he had a coin for us. He did...and so did the other two. It was like Christmas. The greatest part was the first LTC wrote a blurb about his coin, handed it over and kept saying, "Are you sure you can read it?" and "Can you read that?" Like 20 minutes later, he comes up and asks again. I was sweet to see that little insecurity in one with rank.

4. Cutest Dog Ever: Lola Let me just say that the owner almost accidentally on purpose misplaced her and that would have been because I stole her.

3. Largest Traveling Family Ever enters. I love all our visitors. Really I do. And I appreciate ever blink a soldier has every blinked. That's how appreciative I am. But really? I got the evil eye from the family because I didn't have an ice cream CONE. Had bars...no cones. Whatever. At least my hat wasn't wrapped in duct tape. JUST KIDDING. I hope they come back to see us again real soon.

2. I'm a pro at working the phone. I don't hesitate to answer. I'm one of the few..the proud...anyway...Mr. Bo Gingles mom keeps calling. Her son is stranded. For three days. What do I do? What can he do? What can you do for him? I calm her down, tell her to send Gingles to me and we'll take care of him. She calls again. Then again. And yet again. I loved her. That's the kind of mom I hope I am to my kids. I see so many of these young men and women with no one looking out for them. Except that Gingles was more embarrassed than grateful. haha!!

1. Ok. Sailor Boy. Fashion statement. So worried about his swimming trunks and combat boots he has to apologize. Except when I asked to take his pic, he busted out a GQ pose. I love the Navy. Sigh.

How was that? Pretty darn sweet. I'll post the pick of sailor boy when I get home...we blocked super cool mail sites at work.

For all of you that aren't aware - http://www.supportourseals.com/ - read it, support it, stand behind it. Rally May 3rd at the JRB in Ft. Worth. This situation makes my heart hurt. I think about Marcus and SEAL Team 10, and the choice they had to make because they feared being incarcerated. They let that goat herder live - and that decision cost them everything.

This terrorist is accused of being the mastermind behind the Blackwater murders, where American Security Contractors were tortured, drug through the streets and their charred bodies hung from a bridge for all the world to see. Our fellow Americans. Human Beings. The military has one witness. 1. There are 10 or more others that said the 'beating' never happened. Two of our SEALs are free, found not guilty. Now we wait to see what happens with Matthew McCabe. Here's to hoping he meets the same end as his comrades.

Don't make this SEAL your example.

Check me out on my soapbox. Damn, it feels good up here!

Until next time, saving the world one Navy SEAL at a time....

I guess this site is still up.

In the words of many infamous rappers, I'm back.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

I thought Brad was hot...


Then he became Eric...Yum. Ee.


Whatever. It's a little off topic. He may not be a Marine but he did play one on TV and now he's a super hot sheriff vampire...be still my heart.

Yes, yes. I am still alive. It's a long story so I'm gonna try to sum it up real quick like. I've been busy. How's that?

Seriously. My Internet has been up and down at home. At work all I have time to do is work. Which is just INSANE. And I haven't figured out how to blog from my Iphone. But let me tell you...once I do? You'll have more of me than you ever, ever wanted. It'll be like twitter only with 250,000 words. Cause I got a lot to say at random points throughout my day. Speaking of Twitter. I still haven't caught on. I'm still loving being the troll on facebook.

Did I mention previously the MFM made it home safely? And we haven't broken up yet. The only problem is that his requests have become more extravagant. Like since shipping is cheaper I really want to send him a flat screen tv...really? I don't even have one. I have asked him to show his face at the USO. I dared him...but he cowers in fear.

Onward with this weeks Top Ten:

10. Something was in the air. I'm not sure if it was firework residue or what but we were like 5 years being forced to sit still on the pew Sunday morning.

9. This sweet little thing from Alabama came in and I think he was overwhelmed by the greatness that is the 3rd shift at the USO. It was his first time. We didn't hold anything back. Bless his heart.

8. A water bottle escaped the confines of the cooler. It was madness.

7. A mom shows up with two small children - one of which was a baby. She didn't have a bottle. I don't stand in judgment.

6. Navy was in the house on Sunday afternoon. I hadn't seen him in a while so it was nice to take a few minutes to catch up on his recent travels. He seemed surprised when I wasn't in awe of his LA Volvo rental.

5. Did you know that if you save the tabs from coke cans you can take them and cash them in? A gallon jug of those puppies can bring in some moola. Who knew? This was made as an alternative to just tossing the cans in the trash (we don't have a recycling program).

4. Volunteer C has this thing she can do with her arms. I thought she just looked like a windmill but she had some fancy name for it. It was HILARIOUS.

3. Volunteer C and I volunteered our services in the event that Volunteer A finally proposes to Volunteer R. We plan a song and dance to commemorate the event. It will be something she'll live to regret forever.

2. BAND WEENIES RULE 4-EVER. And it helps to know the Taylor Swift is not just singing about my life

1. Grown men going back to war. Tears. Terrified, shaking hands. It's my least favorite part of this job. Tears are said to be the cleanser for the soul, but somehow I have a hard time accepting that when my soul still aches for the young solider who broke my heart Sunday night.

Well, that ended on a sour note. Y'all it was so heartbreaking to watch him try to stay strong. Would that it didn't have to be that way.

I adopted two new Marines this week. They'll probably hate me. Whatever. I also adopted a new soldier to help fill the void by Jackson Hole. Yeah. Right.

Peace out!

Saving the world, one song and dance at a time (have I used that before?)....

I think that's the right number. I even checked and everything but in the five seconds it took me to check then click 'new post'...the ADD kicked in. Whatever. At least I'm taking the time to write a post.

My days at the USO have been few and far between over the last few months but I have worked the last two weekends and have a funny tantalizing antics to share...

Might be a top 10 - 20...or two separate top tens, so I don't have to fret about the numbering...depending on what I can come up with.

10. Anybody ever watched Special Agent Bob and Secret Agent Steve? Also know as Splinter Cell co-op Theater. Frickin' Idiots. It's sooooo genius. Navy SEALs!!!

9. Last week in Terminal D (SURPRISE!! I know...) it was REAL cold and REAL slow. I'm sitting there freezing my bootie off and watching Yes Man (Ace Ventura except without the animals)...and in walks this elderly gentleman that shouts when he talks. I almost peed my pants. At first because I thought he was yelling at me and we all know what a scardy cat I am...but no, he's just like my PeePaw in a closed cab of a truck. Even if you have ear plugs in - you can still hear every word he's saying.

8. We have food! I know this sounds silly...but it's been a while since the Sunday evening shifts had full freezers. It was very exciting.

7. There is nothing that breaks my heart more that seeing someone turn down a night at the hotel because they can't afford it. Okay, that's not true. There are a lot of things that break my heart more...but it's up there.

6. For the most part, I have managed to avoid the front desk over the last 8 months or so...Last week, I had to cover up there for about 5 minutes. 5 Minutes. What happens? I get a call from someone who doesn't speak English. This is my life.

5. America's Funniest Home Videos = Chellie Almost Peeing Her Pants (much to the Army's delight)

4. Army: (Image a SC Twang) Hey, can y'all put that there tv on NASCAR?
Chellie: (To Other Volunteer, mocking NASCAR announcer) That there is what we're looking for y'all!
Army: (Death Stare) Hey now!
Chellie: What? I'm from Kentucky. I'm allowed.

We became fast friends after that mocking our kinfolk.

3. Personally, I don't see anything wrong with eating Pork Skin and Raisins. I'm just saying. Don't judge me, I won't judge you...


2. Somehow the TV in the snack bar ends up on E! The Soup is on. I love this show. At home. At the USO...slightly uncomfortable. Two guys came up to watch it and we all laughed. At one point I tried to change it but the nice one asked me to leave it on, while the other one gave me the death stare.


1. This might qualify as my most favorite moment ever at the USO. A group of National Gaurd boys came strolling in. I'm still not 100% sure how it happened but one of the dudes velcro on the arm of his uniform got caught on the velcro of the patch board and he was stuck. It was hilarious. He looks at me (because his buddies are laughing hysterically) and says, "I'm really stuck!" OMG. I'm still laughing.

There you go...I kinda feel like I've let you down because I only came up with ten...but it's 10:30 and I'm tired.

I'm probably gonna post later this week with an MMA update. I love MMA. I'm addicted to MMA. And I'm so mad at Evans for taking a beating.

There I go saving the world, one inappropriate soup comment at a time...